I find myself doing research on various topics that I encounter from clients, friends, family and sometimes myself. I found the below blog post on relationships and breaking up.
Counseling Tips for a Breakup or Broken Heart
October 14, 2013 by Anthony Centore
You finally found your “soul mate” after years and years of searching. You’ve shared memorable moments with your other half and have already decided, “This could be the one.” Then out of nowhere, you hear the worst words in the world, “I’m breaking up with you.”
You ask yourself, “Why me?” Breakups are always one-sided; one person walks away while the other person is torn apart. Almost immediately after a breakup, the one that was torn apart is helpless and feels that they will never ever be the same; their happiness converts to depression.
If you’ve been through any crucial breakup, whether you’ve been cheated on or not, do yourself a favor and follow these 3 steps. Remember, these are the same steps that helped me survive my most tragic heartbreak.
1) Be Thankful
What? Be thankful? Why would you be thankful of such a thing?! Well, the reason is, be thankful that the person walked out of your life NOW rather than LATER. Be thankful that they broke up with you 1, 2, 3, or even 4 years into the relationship rather than 10, 20, or 30 years into the relationship.
Why let a breakup hurt you more than it hurts the person that broke up with you? Your goal in life is to find your soul mate, yes, but remember, this is a long journey, no matter how old you are. Wouldn’t you rather die loving someone who loved you back than live loving someone who didn’t?
Always remember that no matter who you are, you are perfect the way you are, it sounds cliché but it’s true. If you show no emotion after someone breaks up with you, you are showing that person that you are independent without them; this also shows that person that you will find someone that will love you more than they ever did.
2) Focus on your Goals in Life
As bad as it sounds, sometimes, relationships just come and go, even the good ones. Rather than beating yourself up after getting your heart broken, focus on making yourself happy. Remember, you were happy before you even met this person that broke your heart.
Go back to setting goals for yourself. No matter who you are, the more active you are with your life, the more you will run into people that share the same interests as you; these people are potential soul mates.
One of the main points of surviving heartbreak is to make yourself a better person than before. That way, your heartbreak stays with your former self rather than the newer you. Another huge goal you can set, despite your age, is to exercise more; since serotonin, a feel-good hormone, is released when your blood and muscles are pumping.
3) Vent out to a friend
When someone breaks your heart, sometimes all you can do is vent, preferably to a friend. When you speak your thoughts aloud, you start to realize how everything really sounds. The more you vent to someone, the more you realize how stupid it is to hurt over someone that doesn’t deserve your love.
The best part of venting is that you can pretty much say anything you want without the person you’re venting about knowing! The MAIN reason why people cry over someone else is because all they can remember are the good memories they had together.
When venting, you have to remember all of the annoying, disrespectful things about the person that broke your heart. You have to remember all of their flaws because the more bad things you remember about that person, the more good things you can find in the next person you choose to give your heart to.
Heartbreak sucks, but there are ways to save you tears and pain. Sometimes its very hard to let go. Believe me, as someone who has been through one of the toughest breakups, I highly encourage you to: be thankful that that hurtful person is out of your life, focus on making yourself happy by working on other life goals, and finally, vent to a friend every thought that is going through your head. When heartbreak occurs, life goes on, but when you choose to live your life rather than hurt, your open yourself up to new happiness.